Today was the first day back for my oldest daughter after the Christmas break. This meant lunch boxes again, getting up to an alarm clock and waking the tired kids which have not yet gotten in to the old routine. It also meant biking the kids to school and happily hearing them “argue” about who has missed their teacher the most:) which is so nice to hear that they are happy with where they are going to school and playgroup.
We arrive at school and are greeted by other parents saying happy New Year and having casual chats…. This really warmed my heart - I felt loved and appreciated and a sense of belonging - people asked about our break, and I about theirs.. knowing a few of them very well - also talking about the challenges such a break, packed with extended family can bring. I left there loving this international community - and having a very high appreciation for my self-chosen family and the support these people offer without even thinking about it.
I went back home, opened up my computer to start to work for the first time after the holidays, and saw a comment on one of my Pinterest post “ you have good taste” it said! This was exactly what I needed today! And let me tell you why…
Christmas is always an extra challenge I think for many, don’t get my wrong I love Christmas for the most part of it, but its also a time where family get together for many days, its stressful the young ones are excited and its all a bit intense….See - I am what you would call a high sensitive person, meaning that what people say goes in, it lingers there, I analyse it, I rethink it and if it has a negative underline…. it feeds my self negative talk, telling me that ‘ I can’t do things’ ‘ Why would anyone want to buy from your shop’ ‘ your never going to make it’ ‘ your not unique’ ‘ your not doing it right’ ‘ you keep failing, so why keep trying’ …… other high sensitive people might recognise this:) - words / actions and even the lack of action is all decoded and broken down into emotion… I tend to “read between the lines” and I take what people say to me to much to heart.
Therefore, reading a comment like this - made me realise that my New Year resolution this year was going to be a BIG one! not to exercise more, or eat healthier - even though that is always a good thing;) No, mine is to work on my self confidence and my ability to think positive about myself and create a positive mindset, one where I evaluate my abilities from a fair point. To try and not let negative people in my head or people who do not possess the ability to sensor their words before they come out, for whom words don’t cut as much.
I want 2020 to be the year where I try to push my ideas out, where I will not be hold back by myself, or by a wrong mindset of myself- where other peoples opinions won’t take such a dominate role in how I live my life or sensor myself and my ideas or even spend time reflecting on them - I want to teach myself to say ‘pffft’ - throw away the comments etc. I cannot use and be strong enough to go after what I want - believe in my abilities, our way of raising our children our family life. Change my inner voice to a supportive, strong and positive voice.
Get to a point were I eventually say something back when confronted and not let it go inwards, I want to believe in myself, dare to try, dare to take risk and not think of failure as failure, but as unexpected learning opportunities.
This is my New Year resolution : ) would love to hear yours.